What's In A Name?
by Byaghro
Summary: Stiles has many odd habits, this is one of them.


**Pairing:** Pre-slash Derek/Stiles

**Warnings:** Crack.

**Disclaimer:** Not my characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's Note:** Always good to start a new fandom with crack. *facepalm* I blame khasael and fandom in general for their characterization of Derek's eyebrows.

* * *

Here's the deal, Stiles had this... habit.

Not like biting his nails or jerking off, although he did both of those things pretty consistently as well. (He considered the jerking off more of a 'recreational sport' than a 'habit' though.)

No, Stiles liked to name things. And not just his car (Betsy) or his stuffed animals when he was little (Leo the Lion, Octo the Octopus, and Ned the Duck) but _everything_. His favorite hoodie was Lil Red. His favorite glass, the sepia one with the beveled sides and the chip on the lip, was Tina. And his XBox was Goloth, Destroyer of Noobs. (He got carried away sometimes, sue him.)

He even named other people's things. Scott's bike was the Nutcracker (because it always went after Stiles' nuts when he rode it). Jackson's crosse was the Douche Swizzle. And Lydia's tight pink sweater was just 'The Precious'.

But once he got started, he could rarely stop. Scott had one ear slightly lower than the other. Stiles called it Dippy. Jackson's hair usually made him look like a startled cockatoo so it was Polly. And Lydia's breasts were 'Ice' and 'Cream'. (He'd made so many ice cream sandwich jokes in his head. So. Many.) It was fun to answer Scott's question of "what do you want for dessert?" with "Ice cream" and have Lydia sit right there, clueless. (Although she would sometimes narrow her eyes at him as if she knew what he meant. Lydia was creepy that way.)

Therefore, it stood to reason that the more time Stiles spent with Derek, the more likely he was going to name one or more of Derek's things. He wanted to name Derek's car "The Volvo of Great Justice" but that was just confusing since it was a Camaro. And if he ever had to explain it to anyone he'd have to admit knowing WAY more about Twilight than he was comfortable with.

So the Camaro was Bumblebee. Derek's signature jacket was Tony. And his eyebrows were Tiffany and Jennifer. Stiles had no clue where his brain got these things sometimes. Honestly.

All he knew was that Derek never emoted with anything _except_ his eyebrows. Which meant that Stiles spent a lot of time staring at them trying to get a read on Derek's moods. Tiffany would twitch when Stiles said something funny that Derek refused to laugh at (Stiles liked her best, she got his humor). Meanwhile Jennifer just made him nervous. Any movement from her was usually followed by threats upon Stiles' person.

(Although Jennifer would sometimes arch up at something ridiculous Scott said and Stiles would be tempted to shout, "I know, right?")

One thing that always baffled Stiles was where the hell Tiffany and Jennifer went when Derek was in his beta form. Stiles had a theory that perhaps they just transformed into sideburns (Frank and Eduardo) but he couldn't be sure. Plus, Stiles was still kind of terrified of Derek in any sort of wolfed out state so he was always relieved to have Tiffany and Jennifer back.

As such, Stiles didn't think he should be blamed for expressing his happiness over their return. Derek had been dosed with a poison that kept him in a partially shifted state. Deaton had to sedate the alpha while they worked on a cure.

They suspected the hunter who created the poison did it so the werewolves he dosed would hurt someone in their crazed state and therefore violate the Code. Stiles thought it was a shitty, underhanded way of sticking to the letter but not the spirit of the Code but then most hunters he'd encountered seemed to operate that way if they kept to the Code at all.

Finally, after several tense hours, Tiffany and Jennifer were back and Stiles was highly tempted to kiss them in relief. Instead he took advantage of Derek's still unconscious state to gently pet Jennifer (hoping that might make her like him more) while whispering sweet nothings to Tiffany.

"I missed you so much. Don't ever leave me like that again. I don't know what I'd do without..."

"Stiles."

Stiles froze and glanced down at Derek's now very open eyes. _Shit_.

Jennifer lifted in an eloquent arch. _Shit shit shit_.

"What are you doing?"

Stiles snatched his hands away quickly. "I... um... I was just talking to..." He waved his hands in his general... face... direction. "Um... that is... no one. I was talking to no one."

Derek frowned. For one brief, hysterical moment Stiles brain supplied wild thoughts of lesbians kissing as Tiffany and Jennifer furrowed together.

"You were telling no one that you missed them?"

"Yes? No. That is. You! I was totally telling you. That. All of that." He glanced briefly at Derek's eyebrows so that he wasn't technically lying.

"O-kay." Derek was looking at him like he'd lost his mind. Which... wasn't really new, sadly.

"Anyway. Now that I've um... confessed. Ish. Sort of. I'm just going to go. Be somewhere else," Stiles rambled, steadily backing toward the door. "I'm glad you're better."

He halfway turned to make his escape when he heard Derek's voice call out.

"Hey, Stiles."

"Yeah," he called over his shoulder, still intent on getting out of the room as quickly as possible before he could say anything else ridiculous.

"Is Bumblebee okay?"

Stiles walked straight into the door. Derek's laughter followed him down the hallway.


End file.
